So today I’m drained..

running off adrenaline well it’s not doing my poor body any favours..

Thinking about yesterday.. why does it come out of me like that? Why can’t I contain her.. its embarrassing I thought before his contact in March it was over no emotions no thoughts 💭

I’ve tried to fool myself it’s not a problem after yesterday’s behaviour and how I spoke I see it’s major.. I can’t address it figured that in therapy before not till it stops .. I’ll hurt someone the pain and emotion is too much ..

So do I go ?? the message said come for support!! What support can be given ?? Can I control myself enough to accept the support on offer?

The one thing I heard was HE KNEW THEN USING ONE OF THE CHILDREN WOULD HURT YOU DEEplY !! .. the guilt I hold 🤭 my job is protect and she met these evils through us 🥺.

How right those words are!

Maybe I should try one last time to trust in someone who is offering help! Maybe my friend is right and what happened yesterday was meant to be, for whatever reason, she’d not seen me like that before.

I will ponder on the support, it’s hard, she my beast grows everyday the order comes closer to ending.. she’s horrid, but only she has the power and knowledge to stop it all..

I must believe the system is just, I must hold onto the evidence and a case, giving in is not an option if I want to live some form of life …