This week has been eventful and enlightening..
There’s not just me in this position. The domestic violence, the authorities and professionals, the social services..
That aside the mental health, ok yes our situations differ but there’s others like me who feel it! and then express it! We are not bad people, we are failed people coping the best we can.
Reading the words of others that burn with truth and the determination to live.
Knowing as I do, life is a precious gift and every moment should be treasured.
The longer the meds are out of me the more my personality and character returns.. Who is anyone to subdue me?? Why was I so easily acceptant?
If you don’t feel, you cant deal with it.. if it’s ongoing, you can’t deal with it, but you will feel it and no matter how hard you try, you will be overcome by the emotion.. this happened to me on the meds, they didn’t work even the crunch came which is why I stopped, the problems weren’t being addressed they were being silenced..
I have begun to remember further back places I’ve closed off as it’s too much to face still , not just the beastly ex but previous to him ..
Tbh no amount of therapy, courses etc can take out of you what is you, what you have seen, experienced! the tools given in my healing were disingenuous, you teach us to be stronger assertive ask for help.. when we do, we are belittled, ignored, degraded by the system, left unprotected and in danger. Left feeling from you the protectors, no better than how the beasts leave us feeling, useless, unheard with no voice, powerless, controlled even violated
The difference in my being lately is vast, everything’s changing, hair, clothes, attitude, composure, energy, aura, confidence speech. I know, those others around me know, it’s a dangerous time for me .. I’m holding but the outbursts are stronger louder and getting more often as time ticks by ..
pain is still constant and sore but adrenaline, deep heat of many sorts (pads, Sprays, creams lol ) and soft exercise is all I have atm.
Today is relief , it’s not just me and the law could change if there’s enough people wanting if done 🙃
Lots to be reading
Jenny's Justice 