Just received an email.

Due to my emails to police commissioner a complaint has been made on my behalf. I should expect a call to discuss my concerns further.

How do I feel? Anxious! Where will it go? Nothing ever comes from it! We get buried in paperwork and politics.

I’ve already been told if I feel uncomfortable when/if that monster turns up anywhere I am, I should leave! How’s that right? Would you feel comfortable sat with your young daughter and your rapist enters the park, school , shop, event? Of course not. I’m not the one who committed a crime against humanity. I’m not the nasty. He is..

Well only time will tell, all I know is if they system fails me this time, in September I’ll contact him and see whAt it wants, closure will happen this is year 13 it’s going to end.

Well I said I would and I have.

I rang probation they put me through to the victim contact scheme. Finally someone who understood. It may have helped I was calmer.

I have sent out a request on you and shall now wait for the call. The reply is going to be truly powerful to my case. Mixed with our case files from court and the new stuff well it links it all, evidence, there’s something you forgot 😉

You my friend ,did and have, continually bordered or breeched your licence rules. I am about to prove it. Jenny is here and fighting for me..

The mingle I now know was going on between you, your sister my home and her, thAnks to your contact is going to be shown to the world.

Time to challenge who I am, control my own inner beast. I will do this the right way. I’ve got 6 months till this non molestation order ends to prove what you’ve been doing. If not our beasts will have dinner in September 🤔😶.

There are no words for what I’ve gone through but I’m sure if my positive way fails, I’ll be ready and words will be found.

Just got to keep hoping justice WILL prevail.

3 days I was told that I will get a call ⏰⏱🕰⌛️ sands of time are falling

Well I’ve tried as suggested take your mind off things focus on other things, which yes, we do all do. Then you stop for a moment and it’s there lingering, toxic, infecting your mind like maggots left in rubbish.

The house well it’s clean, lol positive energy they say. What when that runs out? Where do you release the frustration, the years, the let downs, misguiding information? Where do you find the person who will listen when you go and get the raw evidence to make them move?

Where is the help for us, those who try and live past it all but keep being forced back?

Bigger releases are needed! What? where? Just know the energy isn’t nice and has to keep being diverted 😕

Well I had an idea. I rang the national probation service.

I have decided to do the polices job for them. I know about Freedom of Information now due to the battle against my sons academy to fight making the children be in silence all day. ( oh that will come further in the blogs)

I just wish I had had the thought yesterday, as it’s Good Friday everywhere is shut .. Now I must wait until Monday. When I get the information I will be expecting responses and apologies ..

No matter what , I’ve got 6 months to sort this out. An foi takes one month then, one month for an Foi off the prison with the details. Plenty of time.

I will not stop this time. I will not be put through the humiliation and degradation of the court process again. A process that favours the criminal. That doesn’t allow your voice or opinion to be heard.

For now hold the thought 💭 roll on Tuesday let the work commence.

Well I never ..

The criminal seems to have all the power these days.. they can invade your world 🌍, do as they chose no matter what laws are put down for them to abide by.

When you for not the first time in all these years ask for advice. They say women’s aid are dealing with you lol 😂 no they are not. ITS ALL A GAME PASS THE BUCK. When do lives matter. What about my children? They don’t want to see his face on a regular as soon enough it will begin.

Well after that response the police one should be hilarious 😂 can’t wait..

If you feel uncomfortable at events cos he’s there then you leave! How does that work eh. Would you feel comfortable in a room with a man who beat you, raped you , stalked you for 10 years and is back again. LOGIC SAYS NO!!

The law doesn’t give you a choice to get to court and air what he’s done.

Well that’s fine.

In September we will play a different game if no ones helped us. I’m not going through this degrading process where you use the system to get what you want anyway. To intimidate, manipulate, laugh at them all with your smugness. What other choice is there?? If after all this the authorities allow it to continue expect my call beast. Tick tock you want it they allow it YOU CAN HAVE IT 🙃

tea n cakes 🎂

I’m sat here coping , cleaning changing things.. the doctors ring

The people I’ve been teaching to for months who just like the others ignore the scream for help.

They ask how court went how I’m doing .. told em jog on don’t need your meds.. I’ll manage like I have for all this time ..

Crisis turned me away .. when you need them most ..

she asked if I need social services… omfg🤣 here we go again… No I do not..

I’ll wait out the 6 months and then it’s tea and cakes what options have the authorities left me eh

I hung up..

still no replies from those that can

Just gotta wait living like I’m the one who’s a criminal.. justice what justice

#domesticviolence

The thoughts of today. Again instead of time with the children, fun games going the park. I’m thinking.

Time to hit the internet and find old cases for reference. The pen is mightier than the sword.

I said before I am not the first! So time to start case reading 📖. A level law comes in handy.

I will not spend my life watching out for him and his little group. This time I fight back.

I will this time ensure, my daughter pure and untouched by damage, isn’t put in environments where you can be, her ears won’t hear about the nastiness. My son that shares your dna gets his-wish and doesn’t have to see you, that the older ones aren’t put in the position where they might attack you ..not kids anymore but they hold a lot of emotions unsolved now they’ve grown.

I thought I’d be fearful in court, it didn’t work that way. I was strong, able, angry. I want the least we deserve and that’s you limited to the access you can have in our world ..

I still wonder! Why did you contact? It wasn’t for the child, even the solicitor said that in court, I told her you’d come she believed you wouldn’t. Told her men like you don’t change. Did you think you having children would bother? Is that why? Am I supposed to crumble and sob, be hurt ? We should of been on Jeremy Kyle, not in court. It’s all slightly sick 🤢. I feel for her and that child.

While I wait for police commissioner and mp responses I shall beaver away and find what I need to get the actions to keep you, family and crew away.

I got 6 months and if no help comes, then game change, she will be ready, you wanna see her, tea and cakes mate, bring em all.

Well I’m home from court.

I have less protection than what I went in with. He gets a choice on arguing the order he tried to remove the part about using others to contact etc ( why would you if you weren’t doing it?) and the distance he has to stay away.

Well he states due to his work commitments it’s unfair .. the using others I had proof of so stood my ground the other for now the distance I had to just accept.

This is far from the end as I will rest then send emails out to the relevant authorities. He chose to live in my life’s shadows this is my case of course the order causes him discomfort . I’m disabled thanks to his help this village is my world 🌍 wheres my protection how can I come out with less than I had?

Well the next few months will be a rollercoaster 🎢 the police emailed me whilst I was sat in court .. I wouldn’t mind but the information in it was wrong 🙄

So there’s the system for you. Protects the monsters not the survivors. Allows them to set the rules. Allows them to stick two fingers up at the law, you and the justice system in general.

Time to rest before the typing commences.

This is not the end by a long shot. 🤗

Well as predicted he turns up with the wife ..

They go and ask if he’s contesting which he will lol

Like he gets a choice… it’s humorous to say the least ..

Well let’s see what’s said

I’m calm composed and prepared for this

I’m up and feel like, like what’s all the worry for? 50/50 he will actually turn up and what could he do eh. Stare at me 😂 we are in court.

I told the solicitors I believe he will be there! All these efforts, to not turn up seems futile.

It’s been 7 years since we were face on you’d used your child to find out where I was. The initial shock is what you thrive off 😂 well there’s nothing now. She knows what games you’ve played and now, although it’s very sickening, now you are to be parents, will it kick in what you’ve done and what you are? Parenthood changes a woman. I wish you all the luck in the world child. A newborn in that environment let’s see what you have seen in your years and how it effects your parenting. We all know what’s in the family. I pray for you xx

I’m numb, like I said No anger no fear, no shock just motions. Get it out the way, get the order and come home 🏡 I got out and heAled. I’m ok

I got a life to keep living, a life I chose not one I’m forced to be in. You went from one cage and put yourself in another. Happiness is earned, after deep thought I pity you.

Whatever occurs today I’ll be breathing, I’ve still got my limbs.

I’ve been watching some lovely people of late older than me. How they conduct their speech, attitude and present themselves is my aim for today.

Tomorrow continue the battle to stop this becoming a regular situation.