Today it’s just been cleaning, the children are off I should be concentrating on them but focus is distracted.

Thoughts today are calmer, less intense, my mind hasn’t been on him. The place I’m drawn to is the start.

Failures from the beginning moved by the council after serious abuse, into a well know troubled neighbourhood. We stood no chance from the beginning.

Social services well a mixed variety there mainly negative how many workers to one case? They change your not even informed. The promise from the last becomes a threat from the next. Your a name on paper, they see the emotions not you. Then after-not fulfilling their parts of core meetings they make you fear losing your children. Well where do you complain? Nowhere they all unite to defend each other.

Police well they want to know if your feeding their case .. they want you helping but once they have what they need, you are non existent, irrelevant. What occurs after the fact is not their issue. The laws, misleading to say the least. All this time have I felt protected? Safe? Listened to? Taken seriously even?

Women’s groups .. well I’ve had my fair share usually volunteered to go. Sewing computers emotions self help women’s based rehabilitation.. yes some works but it’s missing, missing the needs of these women, the preparation for moving forward, the help for the children.

Doctors and crisis teams.. what use is a doctors if you see a new one each time for a historic issue? What use is a crisis team if it takes 3/4 months to be seen and screaming out for help. Even then not getting heard or helped.. I understand your lost imagine how I feel!

Those who run the laws.. nothing has changed in over ten years. SERIOUSLY 😐 you shout about the big difference in domestic violence. Where is it? I’m taken no more seriously than ten years ago and coercion and control has been out now what four years! You can use the previous as bad character if nothing else .

The system as a whole well its built for the monsters. Thats how it feels. I’m still a hamster in the shell of his cage lol the cage has just got bigger.

Tomorrow that ends. Once the orders granted. It’s just been another day and I can move on with ensuring this is not ever occurring again.

This is just the beginning, you should not have knocked on for me to play. Tig – your turn .

Motivation lacking, I could not get much sleep, body numb and mind is racing , my eyes so dry, can’t even weep.

Ive woken JENNYS with me, her power takes control, she’s out the cage protecting, no emotion, our safety is her goal.You thought you took her energy, you took her from within, you hate that she’s repaired now, she’s back from the darkness where she’s been.

Her energy is magical, her love is strong and pure, she is a natural medicine, for a life that’s harsh and raw

In court you will see her, her glow you won’t forget, it’s the reason your so determined, you ain’t forgot her yet.

Ok you want to see me, the rapist gets his own way, but stood there in my silence beast, there’s so much I’m gonna say.

We never needed words to speak, the authorities have no clue, a full on row ten years long, will happen between me and you.

Fear yes it’s in here, cos for ten whole years to see me you have tried, the local pubs anywhere I go, im told and then I hide.

Now I’m done with hiding, the opposite has come, it’s time to share what you are, time my honesty does run

I never have defended, the lies and filth you spin, not said about the child you used, to complete your plan to win.

The people you manipulate, to play the turn in your filthy game, they to are gonna realise, they too will feel your shame.

All that matters in the court, is the order that will say, you are beast and from us all, you have to stay away.

There’s nothing here for you, same as when you were told no before, but this time you can’t come and take , that’s what the orders for.

The laws have helped you do this, that’s what I find untrue, but I’m gonna change that, using all the things you do.

So keep it coming beastie, the last thing I will say, our case I’ll be using, to keep men like you locked away.

Emails sent to the authorities. Not that it will change a thing.

But at least it’s being recorded somewhere lol .. I have to laugh, humour has become the coping mechanism.

I’ve decided now to make the change, it’s got to be shared, people need to know now. I was embarrassed before by what he’d done. People would judge or pity me.

The shame and guilt don’t belong to me ..

it’s his time he owned it ….

So for anyone listening my Sunday morning get up stretch out body take meds.

Instead of time with my children the laptop is out this is my life.

Today I will Email the police commissioner explaining that I knew his officer wasn’t taking me seriously when to talk about such a delicate case he sat me and my father at a table under some stairs where people were walking past. I will be asking why after the evidence is there whether the child in question was 17 or 21 she was my sons friend and integrated in my family at the time .. I have some other stuff to ask and I shall be sending all my information.

I tried to burn my evidence files on THURSDAY after seeing this officer thank goodness I was stopped .. I will be asking for a crime number ..

court is next week and I will not stop until this system starts protecting the survivors

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton